Last week, I learned that May is the Mental Health Awareness Month (I did some research and this is mostly celebrated in the United States; however, even though I live in Europe, I want to join this initiative) and decided that I would be sharing some discussion posts on mental health/illness, focusing on books. On the first post of this discussion series, I'll be talking about how I use books to stay afloat, even though sometimes they also make me feel broken inside.
WHY READING BOOKS?
Escapism. Books offer an escape from the real world and its ordeals. In worlds often inhabited by dragons, with magical schools or floating cities surrounded by nebulae of thousand colours, for a brief moment, I can forget the world I'm part of and how it's making me feel. While reading, I don't have to be me. I actually don't need to be anyone or play a part. I'm just there reading about someone's adventures and struggles. The words "flow" in my mind and I don't have to think about anything else.
I won't lie: sometimes I just can't push my worries away, which means I can't focus on reading. When it happens, I do take anxiety medication to bury my thoughts (dear readers who try to convince people out of medication: stop making your friends feeling ashamed by taking medication; if you don't know how it's to deal with your mind telling you are worthless or reviving over and over again every moment of your day and worry about having done something wrong or having suicidal thoughts, then, don't you dare to tell someone that medication is not a solution). When the written word is not enough to drown my worries and doubts, I need to take anxiety medication or I'll become a crying mess who can say a lot of mean things to feel better about herself. Throughout the years, reading books became more than a hobby or a tool of work/study. Reading books became a life saver. I know I'm not alone when I say that books keep me sane - or, at least, I hope I'm not.
DOES READING ALWAYS HELPS?
As I mentioned, there are times that my mind can't focus on the words, but with the aid of medication I can embrace these magical worlds. Sadly, some stories only make me feel worse about me and my life. I find quite surprising that these books that make me feel worthless always end up getting five starts when I rate them on Goodreads. Probably it's because of all the feelings that they stir within me...
The main reason why I rarely read contemporary fiction is because this genre always compels me to evaluated my life. Needless to say, I focus on the negativity. For example, To All the Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han is one of my favourite books. I loved all the sweetness and the cuteness. Nevertheless, I remember that when I flipped the last page, I started to think about how my teenager years sucked and how I would never receive love letters (the hopeless romantic in me hates how this practice has been lost) and a few other things that I'm not ready to share with anyone. The same also happened after reading Easy by Tammara Webber and The Edge of Never by J.A. Redmersky, which was kind of odd since these books have so much angst and portray heavy themes. So, I learned to put in the end of my TBR pile contemporary books that don't have a little bit of fantasy (no matter how much I want to read them) - even just a touch of fantasy helps me not to fall into a depressing spiral after the very last page because while love letters are possible, magic is not. It seems that I need a trigger warning for cuteness overload.
DO I READ BOOKS THAT PORTRAY MENTAL ILLNESS?
I don't read many books that portray mental illness. The very few I've read (believe me when I say that I haven't read many books whose main plot-line is mental illness), always seem to have a perfect resolution. I mean, one moment the main character is dealing with depression, social anxiety, trauma or hallucinations, and fifty pages before the story ends, he/she is no longer affected by any mental illness. Or there's a magical source for it and as soon as the source is destroyed the character can have a normal life without having to take medication ever again. I feel the writers are trying to offer hope to the readers, but, as it's said, I rather a bitter truth than a sweet lie. Once you go down the rabbit hole of mental illness, it takes time to recover. The happy ending in which one can pretend that nothing has ever happened is not possible.
One of the reasons why I love Victoria Schwab's novels so much is because when her characters go to hell and back, they struggle to deal with their trauma and in the end not everything is okay with them. It takes time to heal mental illness. It takes time to gather the courage to deal with the demons that haunt us (these demons will always lurk in the shadows of our mind to remind us of what happened in the past and what might happen in the future). I read these books last year (although this is very open and raw post, I still need to promote books 😜; and yes, this is me trying to make a joke because it's one of my cope mechanisms even though I always fail at being funny) and I thought the writers portrayed mental health perfectly.
I apologize for being a little spoiler-ish, but although Keeper of the Bees does use a curse as the reason why Essie has terrifying hallucinations and is deemed mad by her small town, the story does reflect on how people treat those who have mental illness (in other words, it reflects on the social stigma attached to mental ill health). What I loved about Starfish and Paper Girl is that the characters are not magically cured and still have a long path to go through before being able to say out loud "I'm feeling fine today".
I could not finish this discussion without mentioning The Hunger Games trilogy. Katniss can't put behind her back the Games, the revolution and all the losses she suffered. Fifteen years later, she still remembers it; she is still dealing with the scars left by the traumatic experiences that she went through. Healing takes times.
I could not finish this discussion without mentioning The Hunger Games trilogy. Katniss can't put behind her back the Games, the revolution and all the losses she suffered. Fifteen years later, she still remembers it; she is still dealing with the scars left by the traumatic experiences that she went through. Healing takes times.
Related blog post: Fighting Social Anxiety
Do you also read books to escape from the real world? Does it always work? Do you read books that portray mental illness? If so, which ones are your favourites?
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It's good that you understand yourself well enough to know what will encourage you and what will bring you down and adjust your reading accordingly. And you know what you like to see in mental health books as well. I know many people who feel encouraged by books that deal with mental health, but some people feel overwhelmed or discouraged by them---it's all a very personal process, and you have to learn your own needs. I will be praying that you find peace in anxious times and that the stress of your life calms down!
ReplyDeleteNicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
I'm the same in that sometimes books that are too cute and sweet make me feel worse because I'm like, "No, life is not like that!" and I get even more down about what a mess my life is, and I feel like no one understands that since most people prefer those kinds of books when they're struggling. And I also get frustrated about books where something like mental illness is wrapped up with a neat little bow at the end and love cures everything. So I can relate to those feelings. Books are my escape too though.
ReplyDeleteI felt the same about Keeper of the Bees. I didn't like that it was a curse, but I felt the book did a good job of showing how mental illness affects someone's life and the stigma of it.
Great post! I read to escape, but it doesn’t always work. Sometimes I find myself staring at books and thinking about other things instead of actually reading.
ReplyDeleteAj @ Read All The Things!
I love this post so much. I can definitely relate. I love reading mental health books, but they can be triggering. I also use books to escape. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and I recently found a YA book about a teen with BPD and it made me so happy.
ReplyDeleteAsh @ JennRenee Read
I have had to put books aside, when I was in a dark day. I have tried to read Eleanor Oliphant twice, and ended up in tears both times. I think it hit too close to home. Whereas, I loved It's Kind of a Funny Story and nodded and laughed at his observations during his inpatient treatment, because many were similar to mine.
ReplyDeleteThank you SO much for sharing this with us! It is so, SO important to discuss this, and is a topic so dear to my heart. I am glad that you can find comfort in books; I agree with you completely. I too generally find non-contemporary a better outlet. And I am so thrilled to see someone who agrees with me about Mockingjay! People are always telling me it is depressing and um, YEAH it's depressing, did you read the first two books!? It felt so very honest and I loved it for that.
ReplyDeleteAlso I am really glad you mentioned the medication stigma. It's ridiculous, isn't it? No one would tell someone with diabetes to skip the insulin and "just think positively!", it's so ridiculous that this nonsense is perpetuated in 20freaking19.
FABULOUS post all around ♥♥♥
I didn't realise it was mental health awareness month, you're right it's not really done as much outside the US. I had noticed that there were a few more mental health programs on TV. I agree that I find a lot of comfort in books when I have bad days and it' good you're honest that on the days that you can't lose yourself in a book you are willing to turn to medication. Not all books work to relieve stress and anxiety and that's why trigger warnings are important, but when you do find a good book it can sometimes be the best thing.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea May was mental health awareness month. I wonder if that's why they decided to release ALL OUR BROKEN PIECES at the beginning of the month? The main character has OCD that she struggles with in order to remain in control of her life. If you haven' read it yet, I highly recommend it!
ReplyDeleteLindsi @ Do You Dog-ear? 💬
I rarely - if ever - read books that heavily feature mental illness but there have been a few which touch upon it.
ReplyDeleteReading used to provide the ultimate escape for when the world got too much. It didn't matter what was happening, or what I was feeling, I could escape into a book. Now? Not so much. Usually when everything in my head goes to hell, reading is the first thing to suffer... But not always.
So many people struggle with their mental health nowadays, I wonder whether it's always been like this and we're just more open about it these days, or whether the pressures of the world as it is now is what has caused so many people to struggle...
WOW! How powerful you shared this with us, Tânia. I have had my own struggle with mental health and anxiety so I can really relate. I do real mental health stories though I agree many end on a high note rather than admitting that life will be a roller coaster. I enjoyed Keeper of the Bees so much. And Starfish was a heart killer. So, so good. Thank you so much. ❤️
ReplyDeleteThat is very interesting I love reading and I am always searching for informative information like this. I am very happy to your post about on. Great information, I would like to say your post is very informative.
ReplyDeletemental health month